Gambling as an activity has a lot of downside. First, it can be addictive. Second, even if you’re not an addict it can suck the joy out of you like a city-sized Shamwow if things aren’t going so well. My gambling tends to veer toward sports betting, since I enjoy watching the games, talking to the other bettors and I know a lot about the bets I’m making. Slot machines and table games are not as much fun for me. Slots in particular bore me very quickly, since you basically sit down at a machine, put money in and hit a button asking it to give you more in return (the answer usually being a firm “no”). It’s the exact same process as using the change machine, except at least the bill breaker will always let you come out even.
While I know it makes no difference mathematically when you gamble and when you don’t (the computer chip inside the slot machine doesn’t care what time it is or how long it’s been since it paid out, and the cards don’t care whether they’ve been good to you or not either), psychologically you have to break the momentum when a casino is kicking you where the wallet don’t shine. If you’ve been at the machines or tables so long you get bored, you might start playing stupid. Sitting there taking a financial beating is no fun of course, and fun is why you went on vacation in the first place. Timeouts are important.
With that in mind, here are a few things I did on this trip to Vegas, all of which I recommend for when the Wizard of Odds is crapping in your ruby slippers:
SEE A SHOW
The entertainment in Vegas is world-class. Everyone knows about the numerous Cirque De Soleil shows as well as Blue Man Group, Celine Dion or the various showgirls-type shows. There are also comedians, magicians and variety shows that go on during the day that can break things up when you’re on a bad streak. The best thing about the afternoon shows is they usually aren’t very expensive and you can even pick up great coupons for them from the bargain books you find everywhere around town.
I caught Mac King’s Comedy and Magic show at Harrah’s for instance for $13 and really enjoyed it. Remember, competition is fierce to get a show in Vegas, so the people there are almost always really good. It’s hard to go wrong.
You can even see sights you never expected just walking around. Besides my encounter with a roaming band of Oompa-Loompas (documented in an earlier post), I also walked past a Mexican bar and grill and saw a troupe of drunken midget wrestlers dancing on the bar in oversized sombreros celebrating Cinco De Mayo (or were the sombreros really normal sized but just looked…never mind). I love it when I get to write sentences like that without making anything up.
GET A MASSAGE
No, I don’t mean those kinds of massages, you perv. The resort spas are top-of-the-line as well. On my first trip I was lucky enough to get a massage at the Orleans spa and it was an hour of utter bliss. Price around as different places have different deals, but again competition is fierce at the big hotels so quality is high.
Not all of it is a good idea, though. It turns out you can even get a massage at Caesar’s Palace without going to the spa. Women walk around offering chair massages there. I was sitting in the sports book watching a game I had money on and decided I could use a little relaxation, so when the woman came by my seat I asked how much it cost. She told me $2 per minute. I decided to give it a try for ten minutes. I leaned forward in my chair and she went to work. She asked where I was from. I told her I was living in New Albany and before that, Indianapolis. As it turned out, she was from Indy as well and had moved to Vegas 8 months earlier. She’d lived in Broad Ripple while I was in the 56th and Georgetown area.
I then made the mistake of asking her if she liked Las Vegas. She said she liked the weather but not the people quite as much. As she described her trouble meeting new friends the massage began to get more painful. Her fingers stopped rubbing and began grinding. It seemed she was taking her frustration out on my shoulders and spine. To top things off, she kept making conversation. At this point I would have given up any information she was looking for, state secrets, the location of Jimmy Hoffa's body, hell I'd have admitted to watching "Glee" on Hulu. She asked where I grew up and I told her South Bend, then she told me she was from Jasper. I just groaned while trying to glance at a clock hoping my 10 minutes was almost up. The world is too damn small, that’s the problem. The irony of something from Jasper that seems really nice at first but turns out really painful was not lost on me for a moment. When my 10 minutes mercifully came to an end, I gave her $20 plus a $5 tip, mostly to make sure she didn’t continue.
GO SHOPPING
My favorite place is the Canal Shoppes in the Venetian. The atmosphere is relaxing, with the canal winding through the stores while people in gondolas are serenaded by the…the…well, the guys in the striped shirts that steer the boats (I’m sure they have a name I just don’t have a clue what it is).
Pretty nice mall, huh?
A living statue and a jester entertain the crowd in the square
Dude is on stilts. The interior of the place is really impressive. You feel like you're outdoors sometimes.
The living statues are always fun there and it’s the only place I’ve been in years that has a legit rare book shop. Walking in I felt as the mother ship had called me home. The store contained shelf after shelf of first-edition classic books, and the display cases contained the most impressive items. A clerk asked if she could help and I did something I found has almost always worked for me. I asked her, “What do you think is the most interesting stuff here?” I love to use that question whenever I’m in a store such as that, since it gives the clerks a chance to show off both knowledge of - and enthusiasm for – their favorite items.
She quickly led me to a case which contained an original edition of the Poor Richard Almanac written by Benjamin Franklin and another book written by Thomas Jefferson in its original hard cover. A book of Walt Whitman’s poems signed with a short note from Whitman as it was apparently a gift to a friend was nearby. The original memoir of the Lewis & Clark expedition was available for a cool $45,000, a copy of A.G. Spaulding’s original rulebook for the National League for $22,000 and even a heavily illustrated copy of the Nuremburg Chronicles from the 15th century, yours for only $178,000. It felt really good to chat about classic books with someone who knew so much about them, and it turned a short browse into a fascinating hour of my day.
GET DESSERT
The Ghirardelli restaurant on the strip has great desserts, plus you get some free chocolate just for walking in. It’s hard to beat that.
New York New York has a food court by the casino where you can get an authentic egg cream. These chocolate and soda concoctions are really tasty and quite refreshing when it’s about 100 degrees outside.
Serendipity 3 is a restaurant at Caesar’s that sits right on the strip and is known for its desserts. They have massive sundaes there, priced around $13 each. They are delicious and primarily designed for at least two or maybe more to share. I ate mine on my own.
Have dessert first here and you’ll forget about the standard wraps-and-sandwiches lunch menu
FINALLY, LET ME SAVE YOU 30 BUCKS & A 45-MINUTE DRIVE
The Hoover Dam is really really big. It’s a lot of concrete. They don’t know how many people died while building it for sure. The concrete goes up a really long ways, and the concrete is really thick. Have I mentioned how much concrete there is? It’s a lot. A lot of concrete. Big old honkin’ pile of concrete. If you give them $30, you can take pictures of the stairs that go from the bottom of the concrete to the top of the concrete. And each at each stop to look at the concrete they’ll tell you exactly how much concrete is above you, how much concrete is below you, and how much concrete is to your left, and even how much concrete is to your right. And believe you me, it’s a lot of friggin’ concrete.
You’ve just taken the Hoover Dam tour.
They charged extra for the right to take a picture of this. Damn right I'm snapping one.
Yup, lots of concrete all right.
Looking downriver from the dam.
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